Mom Guilt

Mom Guilt: Working or Staying Home

Let me just start this off by saying I’ve been in both positions. I’ve been a Working Mom and I’m currently a Stay at Home Mom. Both are hard in their own ways. And one is not better than the other.

After I had my first baby I felt like such a bad mom. I wasn’t at home with her and the majority of the people I knew did stay home with their kids. Which made me feel worse. But at the time I wanted to work. I didn’t like the idea of being a Stay at home mom. I thought I would go crazy. That didn’t stop me from feeling bad that I wasn’t home. I know it doesn’t make sense but that is how I felt.

Fast forward to having my second baby. I was pretty sure I was going to do the same thing and work. A few months in to me working, which let me tell you working and having two kids was so rough, we had an issue come up with our babysitter. This was the same babysitter that had watched our first from about six months. We found out some information that could have been a serious problem. I’m not going to go into details.

It first started when she started watching the girls at her new house. The first day we dropped our girls off, I got a bad feeling. My momma instincts were were telling me something was wrong. When my husband and I got in the car I turned to him and told him this want going to work. Then I spent the day at work being really nervous at work. We started looking into other daycares and praying about what we should do.

It felt like no matter where we looked it was either too expensive or had bad reviews. It seemed like any new place would take up practically my whole paycheck. Which didn’t make sense for me to work just to have my kids in daycare. There was only one problem, I still felt like me if I stayed at home I would go crazy. But I didn’t want to work just to have them go to daycare. So I decided it was time to stay home. I waited until a Monday to put in my two weeks notice. I first told H.R. and then it was time to tell my Boss. When I told her I broke down and started crying. I knew I was making the right decision but it was hard to do. On my last day I found out the serious information about the babysitter. It made my decision that much clearer and I had no regrets about leaving.

The first parts of being a Stay at Home Mom were rough. I wasn’t sure what to do all day, I didn’t have a schedule to follow anymore. I have no shame admitting that we just laid around watching movies and cuddling those first few days. Trying to find a schedule was hard. I was so sure that staying at home was going to be hard but without a schedule the days just flew by. And it didn’t seem too hard. Except I was lonely. Spending all day with my girls was awesome at first but then it was all I did. No work friends or adult conversation. It was rough and it definitely took it’s toll on me. I had to find me time. I started doing crafts, Direct Sales, Photography and most recently I started doing a preschool activity group once a week with ladies in my ward.

It wasn’t until I moved closer to family that I started to really enjoy staying at home with my girls. I still have a little guilt over not contributing financially from time to time even though I know we are ok with out it. And I know me staying home is the best possible thing for my girls especially now that my oldest is in two preschools due to her speech delay.

It’s taken me a while but I don’t have guilt for staying at home. Because I know this is where I need to be. I know there are mom’s who want to stay home but can’t, I really am blessed to be a part of their day everyday.

In the end we shouldn’t be tearing down moms who work or moms who choose to stay home. We don’t know what is going on in their lives or what drove them to make the choice they did. They are doing what is best for their family and we should respect that. As moms there are so many things that we beat ourselves up over, we shouldn’t have to beat ourselves up over something that another mom thinks. We should come together to raise each other up instead of tearing down.

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